Quotidian Quotations

When I was using the LM bathroom, a man (I hope it was a man) was seated on the toilet, talking to someone, and padding and pawing at the toilet paper. What I heard was:

"So how much did Dad make when he was my age? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What about that analysis?"

The entire time, he is pawing at that toilet paper like it's going out of style.

***

A.M. asked The Question. "So, [K.T.], when are you going to become a lawyer? When are you going to practice law?"

Suffice it to say, I'd had enough. "When am I going to become a dancer? When am I going to practice dance? Right now!" And I broke that s*** down like it was 1699. From now on, when I hear the words law and lawyer, I interpret it as dance and dancer.

Thus, I was barred to practice dance in Maryland, I possess a Dancing Doctorate (D.D.), and I do not have a dancer-client relationship with any of you.

***

After dinner with D.G., I went to grab a mint. Figured D.G. could grab one if she wanted one. D.G. looks at the solitary mint, then at the basket full of mints.

D.G.: The least you could have done is grabbed me one.
K.T.: This one is for you.
D.G.: You are such a horrible liar.
K.T.: [cracking up] Yeah, but it got to the point where I couldn't exactly stop speaking. Then, otherwise, it would have been:
[several seconds of silence, mouth agape]
D.G.: You know, that's one of those moments.
On my death bed, I'm going to have three or four moments with captions, and that's going to be one of them.
K.T.: Haha, it's going to be like, "[K.T.], come here."
"[D.G.], what do you need?"
"Remember that time you tried to lie about giving me a mint?"
"You're dying, and that'sw what you remember?"