Cat Killer

Monday, September 29, 2003. 7:40 P.M. 621 W. Lombard Street, womb 425. Darker. Still sick.

So, I should be typing up tort(urous) briefs, but the past few days, and the conversation I just had with the guy directly across from me, sort of beg for another entry. Ah, to be back in those days when I thought this might have some social impact, or actually help people going into law school.

The guy across from me (Let’s call him Tom.) is rather bitter and cynical. Tom has had his heart broken, and now that he is in his pathology program with a bunch of guys, rather lonely. One day, Tom came and talked to me for about three hours about how he got his heart broken. Suffice to say, it helped him more than it helped me, as I fell behind. Note how callous I’m starting to become, when, rather than sit and listen to a fellow human being, I’d rather do work. But I digress.

Tom’s basic message of hope (despair?) is to find a woman, and find a woman now. As much as I’d like to, here it is starting out much like undergrad (save the exception of not having gotten to know any psychotic women [I think]). On the one hand, I don’t care. On the other hand, I’m lonely.

As another unrelated side note, Tom and I just had a quick discussion about how I hate law school, and how he can’t understand how I don’t understand this is the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me, because money is everything. I suppose the environment I’m in fosters such an attitude, but damn.

[Tom’s real name is Ram. He doesn’t deserve pseudo-anonymity. He turned out to be an absolute fuck. –K]

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"The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why and Where phases. For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question, 'How can we eat?' The second by the question, 'Why do we eat?' And the third by the question, 'Where shall we do lunch?'" -Douglas Adams

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J.L.J. described me as the most curious person he knows. I never considered myself that curious, and expressed surprise at his statement. He then asked me who among our shared friends was more curious. No one. Then I started running through all the people I knew, and I'm sure I missed someone, I had to (and I'm sorry. Memory is a funny thing, we only remember what we want, or need, to). For the most part, the only people that jumped out in my mind as more curious than me were the young'uns, and I at least would be able to give them a run for their money.

In my oh-so-naive way, I've overestimated humanity again. Am I really that blind in believing that curiosity is more widespread than it seems, that we all ask "Why?" more often than not? What is it about our shared experiences that leeches the curiosity from us? We came to the tentative conclusion that the school system did it, that it was all about following the accepted processes, rather than stretching out and looking for new and unexpected methods.

If that's the case, then that's incredibly depressing. Even if it's not, I still suffered from that all-too-common malady of assuming everyone is like me. I know I keep harping on it, but we are all just quanta of potential, utter possibility, unbridled "What if?" As such, we should also explore the mights, the coulds. We should revel in these moments. Instead, we trudge past these modern miracles, in a constant hurry to make it to work, or school, or a date, or an appointment, or to a Starbucks, or whereever. Just because we are so easily nourished physically doesn't mean we should ignore our intellectual starvation.

Then again, a lot of people don't realize that they're hungry. What to do...