Melee Approach

In a pinch, if I ever needed it, my weapons of choice would be a short crowbar and a hammer, with a Leatherman tool as the backup. The main reason for this is because I actually own all three of these things, and they are all within arm's reach as I type this.

K.C. gave me a great idea for the approach: tear out the throat with the crowbar, then smash the head with the hammer. Or, in the alternative, I could bust out with mad carpentry skills. Who doesn't need a credenza in eight hours?

Of course, note this is all moot should mecha combat take over our society. In such an event, I become a mechanic, and carry around a pipe wrench and screwdriver. I stay in the repair bays and become the crotchety, well-respected mechanic who alternates between trash talk and subtle advice.