Flight/Class

About once a day, I have a daydream of flying. I just see these pearlescent wings pop out of my back, feathered and gigantic and smelling faintly of grass after the rains have dissipated. Then, I just alight from wherever it is I am sitting or standing, and just soar into the atmosphere, completely gone from my life, ready to forge a new trail. My glasses fall off, and the wind stings and dries my eyes, streaks the tears away that I'm trying to cry, but can't because it's so cold and windy, but so strangely wonderful. And then, I'm back in my seat, and it was all just a pitiful dream, one that I can never escape.

Once, one brilliant time long ago, I dreamt that I could actually fly, though telekinetically and not via wing. If I crossed my arms and concentrated, I could levitate off of the ground, and then land gently again. In this dream, I recall that I lost that ability to do so, and I was standing there for minutes trying to levitate again. Had I not awakened, I would have continued to try to fly. And when I was actually in the air, my heart was filled with such an overwhelming mix of wonder, delight and fear. There are few dreams I remember upon waking up, and very few I remember for more than a day after the dream. This one has stuck with me for years now.

About once a month, I have a dream of an inescapable situation, where I'm in some classroom-type environment with too much work and no way to escape. It is never law school (anymore), but the dream persists. I'm always quite thankful to awaken, slight sweat across my forehead, heart beating just a little faster than it should. I may never escape these dreams of pseudo-law school.

I don't know about any of you, but I am in constant denial of how the forces surrounding me have shaped me and my perception of the world. My mind is fully formed, and at this point, it's just slight massaging and tweaking that leads to changes, one of which was law school. But my subconscious fights back. It will not let me give in, as I probably should have by this point. I don't know why, but flight (and the inability to do so) is the constant in my life, in my head, in my heart. At this point in my life, I don't care how it happens, but I want to meet someone, anyone, that makes me feel the way I did in that dream, when I thought I could fly. I don't know how the hell it will happen, but I hope desperately it will. On the flip side, everyone that makes me feel like I'm in an inescapable morass, sinking deeper into the muck, I want to avoid.