Florida Lessons

The parking spots down in Florida are enormous. I could easily fit a Hummer in one with room to spare. It may well be a concession to the elderly. They remind me of kudzu, at least in their strength in numbers, as well as their omnipresence. Also, I have been eating lunch around five in the afternoon, and the restaurants stuffed with the aged and their families. On the beach, the elderly comprise a significant portion of the beachgoers. In the theater, they come in relative droves to watch "The Hangover." And yes, they carded me, though she said they card anyone under thirty. Small solace.

***

Having felt more comfortable with listening rather than speaking all my life, I have come to know what constitutes a normal response , and when a person is at ease or nervous. Pseudo-empathy and all that jazz. I also know how painfully shy I am. So, understand that when I say the hotel concierge is one of the most painfully awkward people I have ever met, "I ain't just whistlin' Dixie." After letting my raven tresses grow far too luxuriously, I needed a haircut, especially due to the baking Florida weather.

Hers is a fairly unremarkable face, square-jawed, wide face, off-green eyes, hair the color of dirty sand, braces capping nubbins of teeth. I asked her where I could get a haircut, and she told me there was a place down the street, and if I saw the Popeyes, that was too far. After confirming, then she told me the Red Lobster was too soon. There are a lot of chain restaurants down here. I spoke back what she just told
me, and she gave this loud and clipped horse whinny. When I turned to walk away, she called after that the mall was much too far.

In this moment, I could almost smell how desperate she was for me to stay. Awkward cocked smile, toothy grin, her voice quavering. I had to go. Was it cruel? A bit, considering that I could read her so easily. But I'm no saint, and (all together now) I don't like people. The fun part now is seeing her every couple of days, and seeing the washed-out loneliness in her eyes.

Wow, that was depressing.

***

Hangovers, as I understand them, are caused by dehydration shrinking the membrane surrounding the brain. Even if that is not the case, I gave myself a hangover or heat exhaustion on Saturday, evidenced by the headaches.

The bridge was a mile and a half over sapphire-blue water, and it was early. I ran, ran back, simple. Then, I walked to the beach, saw people in the distance, started hiking towards them. Hour later, I am busted. They seemed so much closer. I get a Gatorade and start heading back, ready to pass out. This is why you should think through your actions, kids.

So thirsty. I was out for almost four hours, sunburned the back of my neck, y'all, and had some nice migraine-esque headachery yesterday and today. Damnation.